Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
