I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
