Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
