I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
