I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
