listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
