Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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