He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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