we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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