So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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