im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
