im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
