3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
