Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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