is your mom at the bar?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
