I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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