Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
