Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
