ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
