i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
