Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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