WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
