one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
