Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
