Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Welp...herpes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
