i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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