So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
