Just fell off a train. Bad.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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