She said her name was "party"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
