I'm going to jail i love you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
