The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
