and my herpes radar will keep us safe
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
