bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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