y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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