I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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