id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
