1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
