Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
