Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom

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(662): View more from Mississippi

He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.

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(760): View more from California

You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.

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(407): View more from Florida

He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.

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(360): View more from Washington

Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?

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(310): View more from California

He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger

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