I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
