Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
