Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
