theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
