She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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