bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
