This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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