oh god the rape fog is back!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
as a side note pls kill me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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