I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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