You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
