Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
