i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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