Duck Duck Cougar?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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