Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
