Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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