This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
