Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
