My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
