i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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