Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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