I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
