I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
