I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
