I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so let's talk penis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
