Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
